Honey and Lemons
by Osamu
Summary: Before either of them could breathe, Ritsuka's tiny mouth was captured in the taste of honey and lemons - a bitter and sweet kiss that brought relief and pain.  Drabbles
1. More of a Child

The sun basked the sidewalk in a stark white, reflecting off and glaring in Ritsuka's eyes. He stared from the dark enclosure of the school hallways, fingers delicately splayed across the glass window. _Small, _he thought. _This building is so small and dark. I feel like I'm suffocating._

Suffocating.

The day was hot and hot and bright and Ritsuka slouched. Yuiko had invited him to her birthday party, but mother had been a bit more erratic in the morning and he needed to be home with her. But he had been happy when Yuiko had asked him. It was a dull feeling, like a scab peeling off. Uncomfortable, but somehow oozing sweet pleasure.

Ritsuka's face scrunched up in recognition. _That_ person was outside. Waiting for him. Again. The cat eared boy jerked his body away from the window violently, breaking into a run. He ran and ran and stumbled down the stairs, growling between clenched teeth and fists. With a bang he pushed his hands against the door bar, pushing himself out into the world of sidewalks and sunshine and pain.

Ritsuka breathed in sharply.

"Soubi!"

The figure he had spotted from the window turned, a smile playing with his lips. A spring breeze toyed with his sandy blonde hair, brushing it over his cheeks like fine paint. Ritsuka heaved over and dug his palms into his knees, catching what little breathe he had left to hold, eyes barely touching the older man's stomach. Once glance upwards and his cheeks would flush furiously. _How can you smile so casually?_

"Ritsuka."

The name was like a butterfly fluttering on his lips. All the universe was small in comparison to the Master. The One who governs. Ritsuka. The boy could feel the weight of his name as it dropped down over him.

Mustering for words, Ritsuka clung desperately to his faded jeans, that burning in his lungs weakening and his breath slowing. "J-Just because...you have school...doesn't mean you can leave me hanging for three days! Three whole days! Don't act like you're so grown up, Soubi..."

"I am a grown up, Ritsuka." The older man reminded him. Ritsuka shook his head around as though he would beg to differ. But Soubi ventured on, "And you're a growing adolescent. A child. You need space."

When Ritsuka looked up, Soubi looked down. Their eyes barely touched but immediately their connection was drawn out as plain as day. The world around them; the bustle of shopping women, the spring wind bristling the trees, cars honking chaotically – it all faded away as they shut themselves off from everyone and everything else.

Uncomfortable with the intensity, Ritsuka tried to sort out himself. "I'm like any normal sixth grader," He challenged. He challenged Soubi. He challenged himself.

"Oh really?"

Before either of them could breathe, Ritsuka's tiny mouth was captured in the taste of honey and lemons - a bitter and sweet kiss that brought relief and pain. Stong arms, large and warm hands touched Ritsuka, caressed Ritsuka wherever they could find skin. Whether it was the nape of his neck or that ticklish spot under his earlobes, Soubi's hands found it. And he was embraced fiercely.

_It hurts. Don't kiss me. It hurts. It hurts my heart. It hurts. Yet, is this what people call an addiction?_

As quickly as it had happened, Soubi pulled back, speaking thousands of words with his strongly defined eyes. His kiss had been a response to Ritsuka's challenge, but the taste of a promise also lingered on his lips. His fingers traced over Ritsuka's shoulders, thumbs toying with the straps of the child's tank-top absentmindedly.

"...I wonder if anyone else in class has done this." Ritsuka breathed quietly, his voice a broken sigh. His fingers briefly fluttered against his own mouth, recalling the sensation of lips meeting lips. That heartache he had experienced before immediately came back to play.

"And how does that make you feel?" Soubi asked. His voice tore around Ritsuka's mind like the chaos of a hurricane, thrashing his reason. "Like something good? Or something tainted?"

Ritsuka didn't want to think about it. It was a ridiculous question. It was more like Soubi wanted something from him, like an infant cries for milk. But Ritsuka is just a child. And Soubi is...

He looked up at the man, violet eyes shooting up like darts.

"You...you are more of a child than you seem." Ritsuka said placidly, jerking his bare shoulders away from Soubi's touch. Turning on his heel, he began making his way down the chalk-stained sidewalk.

He swung his arms widely as if he felt loosely free, although both of them knew the heavy chains that the boy was bound to. Soubi looked after him, smiling smugly and following along by his side. They exchanged meaningless words, but the question burned in Ritsuka's mind as a strong, unavoidable feeling that he couldn't shake off.

_Why do you wish for me?_


	2. Birth

"You...are a monster!" she shrieked in my ears, shaking my shoulders like a rag doll. It hurt, the way my neck snapped when my head jutted back. I stared up at her blankly, not sure if I should even way her voice was twisted up, like she was smelling something yucky, I knew I shouldn't. Our eyes met, and she snarled hysterically. "What are you looking at?"

I shook my head numbly, which only made her angry, so she pushed me back against my bedroom wall. I held back a gasp with my teeth. "Mother..." I whimpered weakly, sliding down to the floor.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" She cried out, each word escalating an octave. I looked over at the shattered mirror, barely catching a glance of myself. I was so...thin. The person in the mirror looked so weak and empty, it was like an abstract painting instead of a fragmented mirror. Naked, I could see his ribcage as it rose and sunk deep. His hair was long and the color of...what color? Nothing. It was black. Black and dark, like the room I was in. This strangers hair was grown out and tangled and dirty, and I tried to remember what I looked like before Mother had begun locking me away. I couldn't really.

All I know was that Ritsuka was dead. Mother's son, Ritsuka, had died and I had taken over his body. That's what Mother says, anyway. Really, I don't understand Ritsuka.

I close my eyes and wonder, 'Will Soubi come this time?'


	3. Feeling

**This drabble is based on the idea of an older, past puberty Ritsuka beginning to become aware of his sexual feelings towards Soubi.**

_You see, when Soubi gets really close to me, my heartbeat starts to seem extra loud._

_When I first met that bastard, I had been a bit younger. __I hadn't even started gone through puberty yet. Well, actually, looking at him now from where I'm sitting, I'm still not that tall. I'm a whole lot shorter than Seimei was. Seimei was..._

_Whatever. Anyway, my point was that I've been feeling funny around Soubi. Which is weird because he was pretty much a pedophile when I was twelve. He could wait until I was older. Like hell I would actually like him, though!_

Ritsuka put down his pen, reading over that last sentence. It didn't seem right. Quickly, his eyes flickered over to take in the sight of Soubi.. He was a ghost, pale skin and blonde hair melding into the bare wall as if he was translucent. In his fingers he played with a cigarette like he was holding one of the paintbrush's he was so familiar with. Eyes connecting for a moment, the boy tossed his gaze down at his paper, ears burning along with his cheeks. Slowly and deliberately, he crossed the last line of his journal entry out.

_That's not important._

_I've realized a while ago...Soubi is very..._

"What are you writing, Ritsuka?" Soubi asked, stopping the boy in his tracks. Mumbling something incoherent, Ritsuka closed the notebook he was writing in and shoved it between his mattress and the wall.

"None of your business," He stated, tossing the pen unto his computer desk lazily. _There's no way I could tell you I think I'm gay._

Soubi sat down next to Ritsuka on the bed, sinking the mattress down. Despite the teenagers most desperate attempts, his cheeks turned a beautiful shade of pink. "Ritsuka, may I kiss you?"

For a moment, the air stilled.

"N-no."

_If I told you how much I wanted you to kiss me, would you be happy? Surprised? Or would you push me away?_

_Would you come to hate me, like Mother?_

_I want to kiss you._

_You see, lately when you're around me, Soubi, my heartbeat starts to seem extra loud..._


	4. Chu

**This takes place in the future, with Soubi thinking he's ready to just have Ritsuka move in with him. Thus, a job.**

Morning was too bright. It burned in Soubi's eyes, like the light people see when they die. Not like he'd know. He shoved his hands deep into his trenchcoat pockets, digging in search of warmth his fingers couldn't find. Winter mornings were the worst.

The night before, he had taken Ritsuka for the first time. From the moment he first saw the teenager, he had felt this warm glow inside his chest whenever the kid was around. Love at first sight, right? Soubi wouldn't know. He had been ordered to love the child, commanded to dote on him. But when he actually met the boy, something clicked. He had become attached, helplessly lost in those eyes.

Those ridiculous, beautiful violet eyes.

Thinking about Ritsuka, Soubi's breath hitched in his throat, small mist coming like fog from his lips. There would be snow soon, he figured. It was better than it being a dead winter, where the grass was mottled and the trees were gray. Snow sparkled, glistened, and cleansed. Snow promised spring.

That morning when he woken up, the bitter taste of work lingered on his tongue. Seeing that small frame against his, unconsciously seeking his skin in midst of sleep, Soubi would've screwed it all and just stayed there. But he knew better. Work paid the bills. When he had first met Ritsuka, they had both been students, but since Soubi graduated he had become an art teacher. It was a relaxed job. It had been a good two years since they had met, and finally Ritsuka was his, and someday he hoped to invite his sweetheart to come live with him.

Ritsuka had been so warm in his sleep, his small hands balled up against Soubi's broad chest. The sentouki had relished it, the way that Ritsuka's body tucked so perfectly into his. His dark brunette locks had been paintbrush strokes against the pillow, a masterpiece all in its own, and all Soubi could do was watch pensively. Worrying about him. Loving him. Watching him.

He was surprised when Ritsuka woke up in that silence, his eyes flickering open wearily. Even with purplish bags under his eyes, Soubi was captivated with his surreal beauty. Every little thing his beloved did was alluring. His fluttering eyelashes, his parted lips painted with roses, his slender fingers clutching the bedsheets, his arched spine- even the sweet grumble that he emitted in the mist of his stretch; all was there, enticing the man.

He watched, and didn't move.

Looking at the snow again, Soubi felt a thick cloud of nostalgia overwhelm him, and he stopped walking for a moment. Whipping out his trusty cell phone, he typed up an email - just for Ritsuka.

_Good morning. May I have a kiss?_

Moments passed. The minutes ticked by. When his phone tweedled at him he immediately flipped it open, eyes warming at the name of his sacrifice. It was right there, pressed into the screen.

_Work hard at your job today._

_Chu._

The only reason I asked if him for kisses was because those were my favorite. Not the ones where I would slip my tongue into his mouth. Not the kind that would leave his eyes churning with lust and his chin slobbery. No, my favorite Ritsuka kisses were the ones that were sweet and small.

_Chu._ Like a kitten's mew._ Chu._


	5. Damn You

**Ritsuka's a bit more sarcastic in this version of him being older. I think that if Ritsuka grew up more sarcastic, it'd be interesting. I love exploring how he could mature and what paths he could take.**

**0000000**

It's raining. I hate rain. I mean, it's the summer, so why the hell would it be raining like we're in a frigging African Monsoon? Soubi was smart, though, per usual. When I was about to step out the front door, he stopped me with a stoic gaze as sharp as a laser beam shooting through cotton candy. _ Is it that time of the month? _I wondered, not sure if I should venture into that dangerous territory of thinking that Soubi is secretly a tranny. But he startled me by placing an umbrella into my arms, which I clumsily dropped with a clacking sound.

"Ritsuka, you're gonna need this," he smiled at me, shaking his head as he walked away. I just stared after him, trying to pick my jaw off the floor. I'd expected something more...profound? Like, 'I love you, have a good day?' Soubi is too unpredictable. But it's another side of him I've been forced to embrace. Forced. Ha... That pervert.

Throwing a mental tissy fit, I had rolled my eyes and walked out the door, snickering at the glaring sunlight. _Rain? Today? Fat chance!_

And then shortly afterwards, there I was, rain pouring down. I felt miserably defeated by Soubi. His adult wisdom completely blows my mind sometimes. And was raining hard, too; they were like thumbtacks stabbing into the umbrella, clapping against it in repetition. My fur-covered ears were dripping liquid beads, and I could feel the water trickling down the canal inside. I twitched them, uncomfortable with the skin-crawling feeling. In my fist, tightly clenched, was a grocery bag with two cartons of egg nog and raw hamburger, and I walked through the downpour in hopes of catching the city bus.

The bench by the bus sign was too wet to sit on for anyone, so me and a few other random strangers stood straight like toy soldiers. Through the curtain of rain we all peered for the signature flashing lights that blared at the top of the bus. From the corner of my eye I could see a business man check his watch, and I picked up the sound of people mentioning that the system must be running late.

_Damn that Soubi. If he knew it wouldn't rain, he shouldn't have let me out. I hate living with him. That bastard._

But at least he hasn't tried to have sex with me or anything, I thought. Well, I thought that at least on the surface. Deeper in me I felt this odd craving, that I'm pretty sure had started cutting loose once I entered high school. It gnawed at my thoughts, trying to break through so I would lose control and -

I cut those thoughts off._ Damn you, Soubi. You're turning me into a pervert like you._

The bus still hadn't showed up, and I could feel the wetness around me seeping into my bones. It was ridiculously cold for a summer day. I began rocking back and forth on my heels, impatience setting in the same way it had when I was twelve. "Come on, come on..." I mumbled under my breath, sharing the silent coaxing of everyone around me.

Then, _he_ showed up.

It was like a scene out of one of those early-morning shows that were designed for lonely housewives. The car swept up against the curb smoothly, water rolling around it and slushing against the ankles of anyone within two feet of the asphalt. But I recognized the silver sheen, and I could recognize Soubi's figure through the tinted glass. The window rolled down, and he said "Get in".

I got in, yeah. But that stupid adult-like smirk on his face was irking me. I buckled in, looking away from him. The door slammed shut, his foot slammed down, and my ears pressed against my head. His presence was so strong. Damn it.

"Th-thanks Soubi," I muttered, chewing on my bottom lip. At the stop light he turned towards me. And I turned towards him. He kissed me. And I kissed him.

"Damn you," I said, and he smiled. And he didn't stop. Even that night when I crawled into his bed and told him I wanted him, he didn't stop.


	6. Healing

_Thank you to everyone who has reviewed my stories so far. Reviews = more. I love you guys. _3

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_It wasn't until the next morning that I understood what really happened._

I found my way into Soubi's arms, my fingers tasting the warmth that his body always seemed to radiate. Often he would draw me in, trying to offer me a simple solace that never really lasted; but that time, when I myself embraced him, my fingers were the ones tugging at the folds stretched over his back, and my arms were the ones trying to draw him into me. I brought him into my shelter, and he stiffened. Burying my face into his chest, toes tipping as high as possible, I offered him words laced with honey and wine. "It'll be okay, it'll be okay," I soothed, looking up at him. "Don't worry about Seimei."

Seimei. He had done this. Even just saying his name, I could see that strange frenzy in Soubi's eyes. That tattered mix of desires and destruction, and complete brokeness. I always knew Soubi was a messed-up pervert. I never knew I was the only one who could heal him. I don't love Soubi, no - I just feel this bizzare sense of responsibility for him.

My socks dusted the floor as I eased down, loosening my hold on him. My throat clambered shut, shushing my voice into an breathy gasp. "I chose you..." I promised, folding my hand up against his neck. My thumb tickled the scars there, and I bit down on my tongue so I couldn't cry. I wouldn't cry. I had made my resolve. "I chose -"

"_Ritsuka_."

He cut me off, closing his eyes, heart, and body as he turned from me. For a moment, I could see my mother in him; memories flashed over my vision of darkness and water and heartache, but I looked harder and it was still Soubi rejecting my touch. Soubi rejected me. He mumbled, I'm sorry. I'm not worthy, and then melted into the darkness of my bedroom window.

Soubi is broken. Can I fix him?

00000

Ritsuka keeps trying to encourage me. But all I see is darkness. I am not worthy of his precious heart. He is so young, yet his decision to stay by me is so profound that it makes my lungs shudder. I wish I wasn't chained to this earth. I wish, more than anything, to melt into a puddle at last and become free. Melt out of my cocoon and become a butterfly.

My life is only a vessel to be used.

But somehow, the way he keeps touching me, I wonder if I can fight him. His words are a solid foundation, a spell much like my own that is throwing me into the oblivion of hypnotism. I told him, "I'm going out for a smoke." I expected nothing, my fingers already thumbing my pocket for the familar feelings of paper-encased tobacco. But before I fumbled for them, a small hot hand reached into mine and tugged at my heartstrings.

"I'll come with you," He said, looking up at me with amethyst eyes that would shame any jewel. His lips were turned downward with worry, head tipped curiously, and eyes pouring mouthfuls of words that were left hanging in the air. I began to wonder, _who is the child here?_

All I know is that I haven't smoked for a week and I might just quit.


	7. Early Rising

**For Soubi's birthday. Which for some reason, I know I missed.**

**This is an older story, about a month old, that I felt was too OOC to post here. But I hope you all like it anyway.**

I haven't always been an early riser, but that morning seemed to be the exception. I don't know why, considering the late night battle I had finished with Ritsuka just the night before... I just happened to be cursed with the gift of things never going as planned.

But this particular morning I didn't feel all that chipper. I sipped at my stale coffee lazily, gazing out the kitchen window from my chair. The crisp sunlight poured through the glass at ease, dropping its aura over the table in a beam of light. A typical summer morning; the sun was around far longer than the darkness of night.

I dumped the sewage I could hardly call coffee in the sink and remembered weakly what day it was. My birthday. It was so cheesy to think about, cakes and parties and rainbows everywhere. But I couldn't help it.

I was curious about whether or not Ritsuka would be awake in recollection of my birthday, so I crept over to the corner of my dusty apartment where the bed was set up to check it out. But lo and behold, the corner was still dark. The only light came a window in the far corner, illuminating dust particles that floated through the air and spilling over rumpled bed sheets.

My dear, sweet, beautiful, and slightly erotic Ritsuka was all twisted up in the sheets, his head completely rolled off the side of the bed. He was asleep, a restless sleeper, but out cold nonetheless. I watched his sleeping face for a moment, crouching down so I was near where his head dangled. His messy black hair nearly dusted the ground, mouth slightly agape as he breathed deeply.

I chuckled.

"I can hear you, Soubi." His voice ground out, startling me, and I was amused to watch his drowsy eyes flutter open, eyebrows furrowed. "Watching me sleep is way too awkward. I don't care if you're my fighter, so don't serve me that bullshit either."

I laughed quietly, watching as he rolled over unto his belly, finger scratching behind his earlobe. "But you're my entertainment," I chuckled, extending my hand over so I could stroke the soft skin of his skin. He swatted my hand away.

"Entertainment my ass. You aren't getting anything from me, " He groaned, curling his slender body up into a ball as he clutched at the closest pillow. He made small moaning sounds into the pillow, now stretching his body against the sheets. But his little voice came out, muffled and muted against the cloth, "You owe me."

"Dinner in two weeks then?" I laughed.

"Yeah, that sounds good."

"Hmm."

When he lifted his head up, I kissed him soundly on the mouth. For a moment, my sacrifice stilled, but caved and pushed shy lips back against my own. I smirked into the kiss.

When he pulled away, he feigned annoyance, rolling his body over so his legs now dangled off the side of the bed. "The hell, Soubi, I just woke up. I promise my mouth didn't taste great," he growled, rubbing at his mouth vigorously. A blush blistered at his cheeks and burned up to his ears, and I fell in love again. How did this child stop my heart so often? Well, not much of a child now, but...

I knew he was self-conscious about that stuff and I clasped my hands around his neck.

"You taste like Ritsuka. It doesn't bother me."

For a moment he looked at me, and I tried to guess his thoughts. Then he sighed loudly, tousling my hair with his hand before breaking my hold by standing. "You want me to make breakfast?"

I could feel my eyes widen, despite my attempts to not appear completely surprised. Ritsuka? Cook? A rare coincidence, limited to holidays. I loved whatever Ritsuka was cooking, but he was somewhat shy about his culinary skills. And while that simple and sweet shyness was adorable, it was frustrating every time I had to find out that Kio and the Zero boys had snarfed it all down before I had a chance to taste it. Convincing him to cook was a skill in its own.

"Well, yes, I wouldn't mind, but…" My voice lingered off. I was just too grateful to say anything else.

He grinned that rare smile I loved the most and leaned down the kiss me, fingers fluttering against my skin. "Happy Birthday, Soubi." A lovely shade of pink was painted from his ears to his cheeks, and I kissed him back, eyelashes fluttering against his by accident.

"Oh, thank you," I said in automatic response, smiling smugly. I love Ritsuka. I love him more than any name any person could give to me, more than any skill or any person, more than anything in the world. I truly, from the bottom of whatever is left of my heart, _love Ritsuka_.

And that day, he made me a delicious rice omelet for breakfast that said "Happy Birthday" in childish handwriting. Then kicked the Zero boys. We laughed. And we fought. And we kissed. And the camera he bought for my present accidentally fell in the toilet in the end.

But it was a nice birthday.


	8. Balcony

"_Oh, Ritsuka_," He breathed into me, brushing his lips over my neck expertly. It was like he was painting his lust all over my body, like the butterflies plastered onto canvas in an apartment far from us. I clung to him, eyes rolling up to the sky. It was a foreign experiance, having him so close to my skin while the wind tickled around us, sitting out on the hotel balconey. The sun was rising, pushing up into a blue sky, and we had gotten up early to watch the stars fizzle out one by one.

I straddled his waist and leaned down to kiss him, tipping my head to the side. His hands caressed my face, my hands clasped around his neck, and we were so close I could feel him breathing from his nose. We'd part, panting and sloppy, then clash back together in a mesh of teeth of tongue. In those fleeting moments of seperation, I could hear him murmuring - small, dainty words, and somehow I knew it was a spell. A mantra. Some sort of magic he was influencing the world with in the midst of his passion.


	9. i am broken i am not whole

A warm smile spread over Ritsuka's face. "I slept fine," he said, not addressing the fact that he had gotten up in the middle of the night to chase after an obnoxious fly.

_Slender fingers tickling over his chest always felt the best, and Soubi nuzzled his body even closer against his. "I like my body when it's with your body," he murmured, kissing the younger male's more cat-like ear. _

_Ritsuka didn't enjoy mushyness, because it was always awkward when it stumbled off his lips. But Soubi loved it, and he was growing to love Soubi more than his own personal comfort. He knew that much, at least._

_It always seemed so quite like a new thing to him, even though they had been officially lovers for more than a year. _

But oh, the feel of small muscles and the way Ritsuka's nerves trembled under his touch, he loved it all more and more by the day.

Soubi's finger searched along his lovers back with his fingers, trailing along the knobs of his spine and the bones of his ribcage as he breathed in and out deeply. Soubi himself breathed deeply, lavishing kisses all over his beloved's face. "I like kissing this and that of you," he grinned, kissing him on the forehead before seperating the closeness between them. "I'll make you breakfast. How does that sound?" He loved cutting their emotions off quickly, which always left Ritsuka breathless and pouty for more. But, like usual, he'd have to wait.

Soubi felt his young lover shiver a pulse that churned his stomach into ecstasy, and he advanced the kiss to a higher level, now entwining his tongue with Ritsuka's, pushing the hot organs together and apart and pushing teeth together. Hot, wet. A drug-free ecstasy. The fingers entangled in his blonde hair made him vocalize a quiet moan into Ritsuka's mouth, vibrating between them. Every touch he received from that boy was magic. The scratches and scribbles of short, clean fingernails on his scalp sent sparks of pleasure down his chest and into his warming hand that traced his chest gently, cautious of inflicting pain, was a pleasure to be received.

Ritskua responded to each little gesture, and Soubi ran his fingers straight down across his searing skin in desperation, begging to hear more of Ritsuka's moans. Conflictions churned inside - I want his ears, but I can't have them. I don't want his ears, but I can have them for myself.  
"My God, Soubi, yes..."

_My God, Ritsuka is amazing._

_it'snotmychoiceit'snotokayi'._

Unable to wait anymore, Soubi fingered his hand down into Ritsuka's underclothes, feeling his growing erection with tentative touches. He rubbed, fingered, prepared his lover responding in The nibbling on his ear lobe was responded with Soubi kissing Ritsuka's neck, suckinglickingandcircling.

Ritsuka's massage to his head pushed him even further, every action, every moment of pants sliding down his skin and fingers touching and stroking the most forbidden of places forcing him to go further and further.

"I'm ready when you are..."

"Mmn, alright Ritsuka..." He breathed. Soubi slid his hand out of Ritsuka's briefs and pulled them down with his free hand, sliding it down at an agonizingly slow rate. Cloth dragged against Ritsuka's skin, excitement piqued his arousal for a moment longer, and his member twitched in anticipation. When they finally reached his feet, the flaxen-haired man left them there for Ritsuka to kick off. As he unbuttoned the cat-eared boy's shirt, he trailed wet kisses down his chest, tasting every bit he could find. Through the haze, it seemed like it was taking forever, until finally they were both fully unclothed.

"I...can't believe you would..."

(devour me.

encompass me.

take me.)

_take me away._

.

(old fingers;

bitter hearts;

hateful souls;

these voices are my friends.

i let them have me because no one else wants me.)

He had no words. He was just grateful. Soubi was marveled by how gentle and beautiful Ritsuka was - more beautiful than any woman. With trembling hands, Soubi reached down to Ritsuka's waist, completely excited yet terrified at the same time. This was Ritsuka's first time…he wanted it to be magical for him, although he was afraid of hurting him in anyway. As he moved in towards the younger male, he leaned down and kissed him on the cheek, a simple gesture to show that he truly cared about him, not the erotic's.

Legs spread. Skin flushed. Organs hot and wet. Eyes glazed with passion.

Itmustbeadream.

Slowly, Soubi slid into Ritsuka, not wanting to hurt him too badly. He let out a soft moan (too perfect, too amazing) at the tightness and pushed in further, until finally he was entirely within. From his lover came wailing cries, small sobs, and Soubi panicked. "Are you alright?" then pulled his hips back again, only to thrust back in gently.

(i'm a piggy bank. someone smashed me open

and all my contents fell on the floor.

i am broken and i have been picked at

and i was abandoned and i was forgotten

blown to smithereens; useless; hopeless.)

_useless; helpless._

until you came into my life.

The nails that dug into his flesh, scraping their tips into his back, was an amazing feeling, the sigh falling from Ritsuka's lips excited him, he seemed to be enjoying it! So as he slid back out, he only did it to push himself back in, gasping again at the tightness. When Ritsuka kissed his forehead, Soubi could only try to return it on his lips, so thrilled to be so close to his love…maybe they could be lovers forever.

_your fingertips against my cheek give me purpose._

_your palms against my hips give me life._

_your words in my ear give me hope._

_your lips against my lips give me love._

i am broken.

i am not whole.

but you give me the will to wake up in the morning

with sunshine playing in your hair and dreams sparkling in your eyes

The blonde began to pick up the pace, pulling back and thrusting in over and over again, each time a little harder and a little deeper than before. He moaned lightly, his eyes being forced to stay open so he could look down to his beloved, to watch him react. He was pleased with what he saw, blushingflushingkissing and pushing himself in fully the next time he went in. He could've came right there, but he didn't; this would have to last for Ritsuka.

Soubi kissed the younger male on the neck, feeling their bodies moving together as he went into him, the sensation of hip bone brushing against hip bone. He licked his neck all the way up to his earlobe, then expertly came back down to his collarbone. "Ritsuka," He moaned quietly, his lips moving against his skin as he thrusted again. "Ritsuka, Ritsuka, Ritsuka, Ritsuka..."

As he continued to move in to the boys deepest sanctum, Ritsuka shivered, moaning into Soubi's lips as the pleasure increased and increased. There was nothing that would ever beat this moment... nothing...

_i am broken. _

_i am not whole._

but when i am with you

when i am in your arms

when i am held against you

none of that matters.

you dispel my shame, my heartache, my pain

and you are all i need

to feel perfect.

.

(And all they could see was the crackling white.

The end.)


	10. Resolve

I am abandoned.

All I have are memories of his broad shoulders growing smaller which each second. Then, vanishing alltogether.

Nothing is mine.

Soubi was never mine and it's time we finally set aside our costumes and stopped playing house. The fantasy is shattered and in the wake I am torn between hate and love and fear of my only Beloved brother.

"Soubi."

I feel my knees crumble beneath me._ Stupid stupid Soubi. _The sun is setting and I'm left shattered in a cemetary of broken skeletons.

_Why am I never good enough? _Why didn't Seimei come back for me? Why does mother hate this Ritsuka? Why did Soubi leave me? Why? I know that they're all things that are out of control, grown up things, things I can not and will not understand until I'm older.

Screw that.

My tears only strengthen my resolve. I have to confront Seimei. I have to get Soubi back.


End file.
